What if My Child Asks if I'm Going to Die? The question, ?Are you going to die?? causes the most distress for families. It is a good idea to rehearse how you are going to respond to this, either with someone else or just to yourself. There are some things you should know before you decide how to answer this question. First, allow yourself to admit that this is a scary question for you as well as your family. It is a difficult question for a child to ask and he or she may never have the courage to ask it directly. The issue, however, does need to be addressed. Whether you openly talk about it or not, you can be sure that your family members are worrying and thinking about death. There is usually no way to know at the beginning of the cancer experience if a person will die. The answer to the question depends on the patient's response to treatment. Even for cancers with a very poor outlook, a person's response to treatment can vary. Cancer is a chronic disease, not necessarily a terminal one. Even for cancers which may over time cause death, people can live for many years. For most people, this means they will deal with the real chance of death at some time in the future. In the meantime, the family's focus must be on how to live with cancer. For cancers that have already spread to other parts of the body (metastasized) at diagnosis, parents will need to be direct and give children different information, based on their children's ages and stages of development. So, if a child asks if the parent will die from the cancer, there are a number of different ways to answer. Here are some examples of what other parents have said:
Sometimes people do die from cancer. I'm not expecting that to happen because the doctors have told me they have very good treatments these days, and my type of cancer usually does go away with treatment. The doctors have told me that my chances of being cured are very good. I'm going to believe that until I have reason to believe something else. I hope you can believe that too. I'll tell you if I get new or different information. There is no way to know right now what's going to happen. I'll know more after the first treatments are finished. When I know more, I?ll be sure to tell you. There is not a lot known right now about the kind of cancer I have. But I?m going to give it my best shot and do everything I can to get well.
My cancer is a hard one to treat but I'm going to do everything I can to get better. It's impossible to know right now what will happen down the road. What you can be sure of is that I'll be honest with you about what is going on. If you can't stop worrying, please tell me so I can make it better.
Obviously, what people tell their children depends on how they understand their particular cancer and its potential outcome. Even with an uncertain future, patients still need to work on what they must do to live with their illness. Children need to do the same. Regardless of the words that are used, one of the most important things for parents to communicate is their desire to tell the truth. This does not mean that parents should tell their children all they know as soon as they know it. It means that children should be given truthful information when they need to have it in order to cope well. A parent might say, for example, "I don't want you to worry about the future at this point. Let's think about what?s going on right now. If that should change, I promise you I will tell you. I will always try to tell you the truth. I want you to ask me any questions you have and I'll do my best to answer them."
Thanks to Cancer Help
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