Monday, December 04, 2006
Friday, November 24, 2006
A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?" "Yep," the wife replied, "In-laws." WORDS A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day... 30,000 to a man's 15,000. The wife replied, "The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men... The husband then turned to his wife and asked, "What?" CREATION A man said to his wife one day, "I don't know how you can be so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time. "The wife responded, "Allow me to explain. God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me; God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you! WHO DOES WHAT A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning. The wife said, "You should do it, because you get up first, and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee." The husband said, "You are in charge of cooking around here and you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee."Wife replies, "No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee." Husband replies, "I can't believe that, show me." So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed him at the top of several pages that it indeed says.......... "HEBREWS" The Silent Treatment A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5:00 AM." He left it where he knew she would find it. The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up."
Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.
Posted by Asma at 11/24/2006 03:56:00 PM
Thursday, November 16, 2006
Aries Employee Profile (march 21 - april 19) Aries employees make excellent troubleshooters.They'll usually want to be out in the field at a variety of different work sites fixing things. They certainly won't be happy for very long behind a desk in a 9 to 5 schedule. The bored Aries employee who has been forced into a square hole will typically be restless, angry, and careless with details. No amount of money would compensate for being stuck in a routine job. Money in fact isn't why they are working at all. They do want to be paid fairly and need a status position to satisfy their competitive tendencies--but even more importantly, they'll want challenging new projects They typically like to have a sense of responsibility and need to feel needed. In return, they'll give their all and provide detailed, consistent work. They will literally work themselves to exhaustion to prove themselves. If you want to keep your Aries co- worker productive and happy, you'll want to give them the opportunity to work independently or let them help and lead less experienced workers. Taurus Employee Profile (april 20 - may 20) Taureans make some of the best employees. They are loyal, hardworking, and no-nonsense. They work methodically and follow projects through until they are complete. Some may appear to work a little too slowly-usually because they are so careful-but they will always finish what they start. They thrive on structure, schedules, and routine. You'll find them doing the same exact thing at the same time every day. Taureans, however, are not exactly the malleable workers that they often appear to be. If they have to work in a chaotic environment, they won't be happy and will be prone to child-like temper tantrums and stubbornness. They might react similarly if they have to work around ignorant people or at a job where there is no obvious potential for advancement. Taureans will be very unhappy if there isn't a ladder for them to climb. Even in the worst situations, they will find a way to advance slowly, winning over the most difficult people who may stand in their way of progress. Taurus employees will only take so much patiently and happily before they feel they are being taken advantage of. They will gladly accept orders and do whatever dirty work needs to get done, but they expect rewards. They want material gain, salary increases, and the potential for more power. To make your Taurus employees happy, be sure to give them projects through which they will see tangible results-hopefully something that will allow them to express their unique creativity in addition to their practical side. They don't want to feel mired in details for long periods of time. Make sure to schedule regular performance and salary reviews.This show of respect should keep them loyal to the company. Gemini Employee Profile (may 21 - june 21) Gemini employees can have difficulty concentrating on one thing for long periods of time. They have quick-moving minds and love to talk and communicate their ideas with others. They thrive on social interaction -- even if their jobs don't particularly support it. You'll be able to find them wandering from desk to desk gossiping about all the sordid news in the office. They can be powerful persuaders in their speech and make ideal salespeople and mediators. They love to negotiate and can work out the best Deal for everyone involved. When properly stimulated, they can manage to keep their wandering mind focused and actually be quite productive. When they are bored, bogged down with mundane detail-work, or forced to work with people who they consider droll, they can become mean-spirited and gossipy. Their moods can fluctuate vastly day to day, as well as their productivity. It is really against their nature to be forced into an average workday schedule and environment. They are happier travelling. lf they are in an office they will need constant new stimulation. Most will be wanting advancement if they see this as a way to escape the limitations of their jobs. This can motivate them to put extra effort into their job. If you work with a Gemini, try to avoid getting into any debates with them they will surely win and it could end in some hard feelings on your part. They will need an accepting environment-one that supports their need for multi-tasking. Cancer Employee Profile (june 22 - july 21) The Cancer employee isn't at work to feed their ego -- their job is just a job and a means to get paid. They work steadily and are usually very reliable. You'll be able to depend on them to show up on time and do what is necessary. They won't get involved in power struggles or get upset when someone advances before them. They are able to accept the situation because they see it simply as a rung on the ladder up. Their motivation is security. They'll want more money the longer they've stayed at a job. They don't want to have to worry about how they'll make ends meet tomorrow so they'll need a stable position without much risk. Cancerian workers can slip into some dark moods on occasion. During these periods productivity tends to drop-as well as everyone else's in the office. Their moods can be so strong everyone becomes affected. To avoid the frequency of these occurrences, managers and co-workers should try to make the work environment as homey as possible-keep it well heated, cozy, and friendly. Don't press them to reveal their true inner thoughts-their tendency is to be secretive and protective, and they could see prying as an attempt to disturb their security. Leo Employee Profile (july 22 - august 21) Leo workers want to be first and at the center of the office.Even if they can't lead, they'll look for every opportunity to increase their own status and if someone else seems ahead of them, look out. They will make it clear that they aren't happy by pouting and complaining. They want advancement so much that they'll take on more responsibility and carry a heavier load than anyone else does in the office. And they are self-promoters. It is likely that they are telling everyone in the office what a great job they are doing as well as giving everyone unwanted advice. They know they are superior and want everyone to know it as well. This arrogance can sometimes cause problems when working with management. But typically, they are just hard workers out to demonstrate just how good they really are. They thrive in sales positions - they can promote a product or company just as well as they promote themselves. Their strength and arrogance isn't just show either. In a crisis situation, Leos really demonstrate their true courage. Leos want to lead and will be pushing for more responsibility and rewards. They are happy to train and mentor new co- workers as they enjoy giving advice and being in positions of authority. If you are trying to manage a Leo employee, you'll need to give them plenty of praise, responsibility, and independence. They will certainly want to help lighten your load of management responsibilities. Just be careful- the next thing you know they could be taking over your job. Virgo Employee Profile (august 22 - september 22) In the right situations Virgos love to work. They make ideal employees, happily working late into the night to make sure everything is perfect and in order. If you are looking for an employee who doesn't mind starting from rock bottom in the most entry-level position at the company, hire a Virgo. They'll have no complaints about the position being beneath them. They are CONTENT with basic, honest hard work. Their contentment isn't always apparent, however.. They love to complain and worry. They are quick to criticize the way things are done around the office and are the first ones to grumble disapprovingly at what they consider to be extravagance or laziness. They are blunt and honest and don't mince words over what they feel just isn't right. Usually, this will be brought on by someone doing a half-baked job or not being considerate of other co-work ers. You'll want to constantly reassure them, but this will do little to quell their anxieties. They actually enjoy worrying, and there is little you can do about it. Just give them a detail - oriented project and let them work alone on it. You won't have to supervise a Virgo worker. They'll check all the facts before getting started and catch their own errors when they are done. To keep a Virgo employee happy, you should also make sure their environment is orderly and calm. You should also provide small gestures of appreciation. They don't need extravagance, just let them know you appreciate them in small ways that won't embarrass them. They will probably just shrug their shoulders and say, "It's no big deal." But deep down inside they need these little reassurances. Libra Employee Profile (september 23 - october 22) Libra employees are detailed, dedicated workers with sensitive natures. Managers and co-workers sometimes find them difficult to get a handle on. They pick up the energy of the office and are unable to prevent it from affecting them. Loud noise, flashy colors, and discordant vibrations will put them off so much that they will have difficulty fulfilling their obligations at work. One day they may seem like the most bright, hardworking, ambitious employee around. The next day they might be down, irritated, and unable to produce. Co-workers shouldn't fret when Libra employees are in a dark mood. It really won't last, as a happy state of mind can come over them just as quickly. When Libra employees are in a balanced frame of mind, they can be a powerful presence at work-they have a way of gracing everything they touch. Underneath that mess of moods, they really are basically happy and stable people. They are capable of profound logical thought and evaluate all sides of a situation before acting. They are one of the most intelligent Signs around. They are expert researchers and mediators. And their sensitivity to their environment makes them naturals at keeping things looking great. They will easily help others resolve conflicts and can act as a go-between with workers and management so that everyone ends up happy. If you want to keep your Libran worker smiling, give them the respect they are due and put them in a position where they can project their great charm and diplomacy. They won't be CONTENT to take orders for very long, either- make sure they are given increased responsibility. Scorpio Employee Profile (october 23 - november 21) Scorpio employees usually exude a quiet self-confidence. They are self-sufficient and do not depend on others for a sense of self-worth. They keep their private life separate from work and take complete responsibility for their actions and their situation. They don't make excuses; they just take care of business and expect everyone else to do the same. Those who don't, co- workers and managers- will have to endure the Scorpio wrath. They don't mind being completely vocal about what they feel is wrong with any given situation. And if you tread on their fire be sure to expect retaliation. They won't take insults or opposition lying down. If you manage a Scorpio employee, be sure to follow through with your word and don't break any promises-Scorpio is keeping track and building up some heavy resentments against you if you do. You may not even be aware of it until too late-but when Scorpio gets too m uch, you'll be sure to know. Scorpio employees will react towards those around them exactly as they are treated. When they get what they want, they will be very accepting. If you are trying to work with or motivate a Scorpio co-worker, be sure to treat them respectfully and act professionally. Give them challenging work that allows them to utilize their awesome self-confidence and courage. Sagittarius Employee Profile (november 22 - december 21) The Sagittarian employee is head strong, cheerful, and willing to help. They exude self-confidence and take on tasks like there's no tomorrow. They are willing to tackle even the toughest of projects as long as it is challenging and gets them out of the routine. Lucky for them, their shining personalities and honest enthusiasm seem like a bright spot in the office- otherwise co-workers might begin to build animosity towards someone so arrogant and extravagant. Their tendency to exaggerate and take on more then they can handle usually results in missed deadlines and dropping the ball-not because they are lazy of procrastinate, but because their enthusiasm just gets the better of them sometimes. Don't let their nonchalance fool you-they really do care about what they are doing. They just have an easy-going attitude that allows them to keep on smiling even when they just messed up big time. Just because they are flexible and easy-going doesn't mean they won't tell you exactly how they feel-what is working for them and what isn't. And they won't just blindly take orders - they need to understand the method and reason behind the process. If you are trying to motivate your Sagittarian employee, be sure to feed them plenty of challenging new projects and hint that some business trips might be on the horizon once deadlines are met. And whatever you do, try not to question their intentions - it is the quickest way to make them upset. They aren't capable of deceit. Capricorn Employee Profile (december 22 - january 20) A Capricorn employee with too much to do is a happy worker. They need plenty of projects and responsibility. There is no sadder sight than a Capricorn worker without a sense of responsibility. They need to be needed. They are covertly ambitious - usually not flashy or obvious about it-but you will usually know that they are serious and determined about advancing themselves. They are completely scrupulous, so much so that they can be self-disparaging. But they are no pushovers. They can wear down even the toughest customers. Their persistence is incredible. Once they set their sights on a goal, they work away at it until the bitter end-whether the goal be that hard sell or the new hardware release. Capricorns don't work for free, however. They expect to be paid handsomely and be given more and more responsibility. They need to come out ahead of the pack in the end, and they see the work environment as their primary vehicle. They won't go in for the typical office gossip and politics, though. They want to get down to business at work and see it as no place for fooling around. With a strong sense of duty and respect towards their superiors, it is rare they will join in on boss-bashing or knocking the system. They can get frustrated, however, with blue sky management schemes that lack common sense, and they will interject their dry sense of humor in the most critical ways. If they want change, they will be unyielding. If all their effort leads to naught the result will be deep moods of darkness and depression with a sense of hopelessness. Keep your Capricorn employee happy by paying them fairly and giving them plenty of hard work. Arrange for a path of advancement within your organization for them. If you don't, you might find them looking for other opportunities. Aquarius Employee Profile (january 21 - february 19) The Aquarius employee can't tolerate unfairness in the office. Hair brained schemes will get the positive attention they deserve if an Aquarian has anything to do with it. They'll try to help everyone see the good side of a bad situation if it's the last thing that they do. They are so smart-they can't help but hold management in disdain if they feel that they are being unfair and unintelligent. It isn't that they are overly ambitious and think they could be doing a better job- just that they think people in power should know better. Most Aquarius workers are still looking for themselves and will want to try their hand at a variety of jobs in the workplace. Whatever they are doing, they will do conscientiously. They usually have strict personal codes that include a strong work ethic.Their bright, off-beat intelligence, and trustwothiness will typically gain them many friends-in and out of work. Beneath that sometimes odd-ball behavior is solid, concrete thinking and sensitivity to co-workers. Keep your smart Aquarius co-worker happy by giving them plenty of opportunity to learn news kills. Raises are less important to them. No amount of money will make it worth their while to stay in a stagnant position. Don't let them get too bored or they will simply find another job as easily as they found this one-their genius is easy to spot. Pisces Employee Profile (february 20 - march 20) The Pisces employee can be a loyal and hard-working, if unconventional, worker. In the right position, they are able to keep their daydreams in check and buckle down on the detail work-giving their all to the boss and corporation whom they feel are worthy of devotion. On the flip side, there is no image of extreme misery like that of an ill-placed Pisces worker. They will act as though their cubicle were a prison cell as they daydream of their own business or next vacation. Unhappy Pisces workers usually won't stick around too long. Often Pisceans will drift from one job to another looking for that ideal environment to which they will be able to commit and feel a sense of purpose. And if things are going in a bad direction at the office, Pisces will be the first to sense it. They'd rather pick up and leave then wait until the problem reaches a head. Pisces are often misunderstood by their co-workers. Typically timid and introspective, they usually keep their true nature hidden, for fear it wouldn't fit with the corporate culture. What motivates a Pisces employee to not only stick around but also excel? Try compliments. And show them how their work impacts the entire organization. They need to know that what they are doing is worth something on a grander scale. Acceptance of their unconventional organization and planning will be necessary. Just because their sales report isn't in the typical format doesn't mean it is any less effective. Keep their environment bright and upbeat; and an after-work cocktail wouldn't hurt.
Posted by Asma at 11/16/2006 11:44:00 AM
Monday, November 13, 2006
A man is driving down a country road when he spots a farmer standing in the middle of a huge field of grass. Of course, the farmer is blond. He pulls the car over to the side of the road and notices that the farmer is just standing there, doing nothing and looking at nothing. The man gets out of the car, walks all the way out to the farmer and asks, "Ah, excuse me, mister, but what are you doing?" The farmer replies, "I'm trying to win a Nobel Prize." "How?" asks the man, puzzled.
"Well, I heard they give the Nobel Prize to people who are out standing in their field!"
Posted by Asma at 11/13/2006 10:36:00 AM
Monday, November 06, 2006
Can you guess which of the following are true or false: 1. Apples, not caffeine, are more efficient at waking you up in the morning. 2. Alfred Hitchcock didn't have a bellybutton. 3. A pack-a-day smoker will lose approximately 2 teeth every 10 yrs. 4. People do not get sick from cold weather; it's from being indoors a lot more. 5. When you sneeze, all bodily functions stop even your heart! 6. Only seven (7) percent of the population are lefties. 7. 40 people are sent to the hospital for dog bites every minute. 8. Babies are born without knee caps. They don't appear until they are 2-6 years old. 9. The average person over fifty will have spent 5 years waiting in lines. 10. The toothbrush was invented in 1498. 11. The average housefly lives for one month. 12. 40,000 Americans are injured by toilets each year. 13. A coat hanger is 44 inches long when straightened. 14. The average computer user blinks 7 times a minute. 15. Your feet are bigger in the afternoon than the rest of the day. 16. Most of us have eaten a spider in our sleep. 17. The REAL reason ostriches stick their head in the sand is to search for water. 18. The only 2 animals that can see behind itself without turning it's head are the rabbit and the parrot. 19. John Travolta turned down the starring roles in "An Officer and a Gentleman" and "Tootsie". 20. Michael Jackson owns the rights to the South Carolina State anthem. 21. In most television commercials advertising milk, a mixture of white paint and a little thinner is used in place of the milk. 22. Prince Charles and Prince William NEVER travel on the same airplane just in case there is a crash. 23. The first Harley Davidson motorcycle built in 1903 used a tomato can for a carburetor. 24. Most hospitals make money by selling the umbilical cords cut from women who give birth. They are reused in vein transplant surgery. 25. Humphrey Bogart was related to Princess Diana. They were 7th cousins. 26. If coloring weren't added to Coca-Cola, it would be green. ANSWERS: They're all true and now go to #16 ;)
Posted by Asma at 11/06/2006 03:40:00 PM
CONFIDENCE Once all village people decided to pray for rain .On the day of prayer all, people gathered and only one boy came with an umbrella that's confidence........... TRUST Trust should be like the feeling of a one year old baby When you throw him in the air, he laughs...... Because he knows you will catch him........ HOPE A human being can live for 40 days without water, 8 minutes without air, But not even 1 second without hope....
SO ALWAYS HAVE CONFIDENCE, TRUST OTHERS AND NEVER LOOSE HOPE
Posted by Asma at 11/06/2006 10:15:00 AM
Thursday, November 02, 2006
Effective From January 2007 Dress Code 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary. If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume You are doing well financially and therefore do not need a pay raise. 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise. 3. If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and Therefore you do not need a pay raise. Sick Days We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work. Holiday Days Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturday & Sunday. Compassionate Leave This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-workers. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend to the arrangements. In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral Should be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early. Toilet Use 1.Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the cubicles. 2.At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle door will open, and your picture will be taken. 3. After your second offence, your picture will be posted on the company notice board under the "Chronic Offenders" category. 4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sanctioned under the company's mental health policy. Lunch Break 1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more so that they can look healthy. 2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure. 3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere.Cordially, Management Important : [This e-mail is confidential and may also be privileged. If you are not the intended recipient, please delete it and notify us immediately; you should not copy or use it for any purpose, nor disclose its contents to any other person. Thank you.]
Posted by Asma at 11/02/2006 04:51:00 PM
Wednesday, November 01, 2006
A butcher watching over his shop is really surprised when he sees a dog coming inside the shop. He shoos him away. But later, the dog is back again. So, he goes over to the dog and notices it has a note in its mouth. He takes the note and it reads "Can I have 12 sausages and a leg of lamb, please". The dog has money in its mouth, as well. The butcher looks inside and, lo and behold, there is a ten dollar note there. So he takes the money and puts the sausages and lamb in a bag, placing it in the dog's mouth. The butcher is so impressed, and since it's about closing time, he decides to shut the shop and follow the dog. So off he goes. The dog is walking down the street, when it comes to a level crossing; the dog puts down the bag, jumps up and presses the button. Then it waits patiently, bag in mouth, for the lights to turn.They do, and it walks across the road, with the butcher following him all the way. The dog then comes to a bus stop, and starts looking at the timetable. The butcher is in awe as the dog stops a bus by pulling its left leg up and gets in it. The butcher follows the dog into the bus. Then the dog shows a ticket which is tied to its belt to the bus conductor. The butcher is nearly fainting at this sight, so are the other passengers in the bus. The dog then sits near the driver's seat looking outside waiting for the bus stop to come. As soon as the stop is in sight, the dog stands and wags its tail to inform the conductor. Then, without waiting for the bus to stop completely, it jumps out of the bus and runs to a house very close to the stop. It opens the big iron gate and rushes inside towards the door. As it approaches the wooden door, the dog suddenly changes its mind and heads towards the garden. It goes to the window, and beats its head against it several times, walks back, jumps off, and waits at the door. The butcher watches as a big guy opens the door, and starts abusing the dog, kicking him and punching him, and swearing at him. The butcher surprised with this, runs up, and stops the guy. "What in heaven's name are you doing? The dog is a genius. He could be on TV, for the life of me!", .............to which the guy responds: "You call this clever? This is the second time this week that this stupid dog's forgotten his key." Moral of the story:
"You may continue to exceed onlooker's expectations but shall always fall short of the boss' expectations."
Posted by Asma at 11/01/2006 11:33:00 AM
Tuesday, October 31, 2006
Winners have dreams; Losers have schemes. Winners see the grains; Losers see the pain. Winners see the potential; Losers see the past. Winners make it happen; Losers let it happen. Winners see possibilities; Losers see problems. Winners makes commitments; Losers makes promises. Winners are a part of the team; Losers are apart from the team. Winner always has a programme; Loser always has an excuse. Winner says "Let me do it for you"; Loser says "That is not my job". Winners say "I must do something"; Losers say "Something must be done". Winner is always a part of the answer; Loser is always a part of the problem. Winner sees an answer for every problem; Loser sees a problem for every answer. Winners believe in win/win; Loser believe for them to win, someone has to lose. Winner says "It may be difficult but it is possible"; Loser says "It may be possible but it is too difficult". Winner makes a mistake. he says "I was wrong"; Loser makes a mistake, he says "It wasn't my fault".
Posted by Asma at 10/31/2006 09:47:00 AM
Monday, October 30, 2006
Dear Tech Support,
Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 . I soon noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of space and valuable resources. In addition, Wife 1.0 installed itself into all other programs and now monitors all other system activity. Applications such as Poker Night 10.3 , Football 5.0 , Hunting and Fishing 7.5 , and Racing 3.6 no longer run , crashing the system whenever selected. I can't seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run my favorite applications. I'm thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0 , but the uninstall doesn't work on Wife 1.0 . Please help!Thanks, A Troubled User. REPLY:
Dear Troubled User: This is a very common problem that men complain about. Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 , thinking that it is just a Utilities and Entertainment program. Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and is designed by its Creator to run EVERYTHING !!! It is also impossible to delete Wife 1.0 and to return to Girlfriend 7.0 . It is impossible to uninstall, or purge the program files from the system once installed. You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is designed to not allow this. Look in your Wife 1.0 manual under Warnings-Alimony - Child support. I recommend that you keep Wife 1.0 and work on improving the situation. I suggest installing the background application "Yes Dear" to alleviate software augmentation. The best course of action is to enter the command C:\ APOLOGIZE because ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the system will return to normal anyway. Wife 1.0 is a great program, but it tends to be very high maintenance . Wife 1.0 comes with several support programs, such as Clean and Sweep 3.0 , Cook It 1.5 and Do Bills 4.2 .However, be very careful how you use these programs. Improper use will cause the system to launch the program Nag Nag 9.5 . Once this happens, the only way to improve the performance of Wife 1.0 is to purchase additional software. I recommend Flowers 2.1 and Diamonds 5.0 ! WARNING!!! DO NOT , under any circumstances, install Secretary With Short Skirt 3.3 . This application is not supported by Wife 1.0 and will cause irreversible damage to the operating system. Best of luck, Tech Support
Posted by Asma at 10/30/2006 03:16:00 PM
TRADITIONAL ECONOMICS You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies and the economy grows. You retire on the income. IBM ECONOMICS You have 2 cows You put both of them on the bench And hire another to do the job. BEARING POINT ECONOMICS You have 2 cows You train them for two months on how to milk themselves. Then u ask them to pull bullock carts. AMERICAN ECONOMICS You have two cows. You sell one and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. You profess surprise when the cow drops dead. FRENCH ECONOMICS You have two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows. GERMAN ECONOMICS You have two cows. You reengineer them so that they live for 100 years, eat once a month and milk themselves. BRITISH ECONOMICS You have two cows. They are both mad cows. ITALIAN ECONOMICS You have two cows. You don't know where they are. You break for lunch. SWISS ECONOMICS You have 5000 cows, none of which belong to you. You charge others for storing them. JAPANESE ECONOMICS You have two cows. You redesign them so that they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create cute cartoon cow images called Cowkimon and market them worldwide. RUSSIAN ECONOMICS You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have 17 cows. You give up counting and open another bottle of vodka. CHINESE ECONOMICS You have two cows. You have 300 people milking them. You claim full employment, high bovine productivity and arrest anyone reporting the actual numbers. INDIAN ECONOMICS You have two cows.You worship them. PAKISTAN ECONOMICS You dont have any cows. You claim that the Indian cows belong to you. You ask the US for financial aid, China for military aid, British for Warplanes, Italy for machines, Germany for technology, French for submarines, Switzerland for loans,Russia for drugs and Japan for equipment.You buy the cows with all this and claim of exploitation by the world.
Posted by Asma at 10/30/2006 03:12:00 PM