Helping Children When A Family Member Has Cancer: III

Are There Certain Reactions That I Should Look For? Each child responds in his or her own way to the news of a parent?s cancer diagnosis. The age of the child, his personality, his relationship to the parent, and the way information is presented are just a few factors that can influence how a child will behave. Parents know their children better than anyone else and can expect their children to react in ways that are typical of their personalities. For instance, a child who is very dependent may become even more so during that crisis of a new cancer diagnosis. A child who always imagines the worst may do so now. A child who plays rough with his toys when upset may get even rougher. Children are often unable to express how they are feeling in words. Most parents get an idea about what is going on with their kids by watching their behavior. So, a parent who is observing their children fighting with each other more now can probably assume that this is their way of showing they?re upset. Parents put this into words by saying something like, "I know everybody is more worried right now, but let's talk about this instead of fighting." In general, parents can expect that the stage of a child?s development determines his or her ability to understand what is going on. Children tend to regress or act younger when they are under stress. (Adults often do the same.) A child who has just become toilet trained may start having accidents. A child who has gone off to kindergarten quite happily may become upset at the prospect of separating from the parent. Children who have problems paying attention in school may have even more trouble concentrating than before. Usually these changes in behavior disappear after the situation returns to normal.

It is well known that children blame themselves when something goes wrong. This is because children see themselves as the center of the universe. We see this in children of divorcing parents. Kids assume they must have done something to cause the breakup of their parents' marriage. The same thing happens with illness. Children wonder if they are to blame. It is best to address this before the child asks about it, because children usually don't ask.

Trust is another issue that impacts a child?s behavior during this time. Generally, children who are included in this experience from the beginning with truthful information in small doses will have less anxiety than children whose parents are more evasive. Via Cancer Help