Helping Children When A Family Member Has Cancer: II

Should I Expect My Child to Be Upset?

Some children may become very upset when learning about a new cancer diagnosis, while others may act as if nothing is wrong. The goal is to give the child a balanced point of view. The child should realize that cancer is a serious – but not a hopeless – illness.

A child's emotional reaction to this news will depend on many things, including how the information is presented and the child's experience with illness. It is important for parents to choose a time when they are feeling fairly calm to talk to their children. In a two-parent household, it?s a good idea for parents to talk to their children together. For single parents, it may help to ask a relative or friend to be with them if they're feeling a bit shaky about the conversation. If people are feeling distraught or uncertain about what to say, it might be better to wait until their emotions are a bit more under control. That is not to say that parents need to pretend that there is nothing to worry about. It is okay if their children see them crying on occasion. Parents can admit that this is an upsetting time, that cancer is a scary disease and that it?s okay to have strong feelings about it. That doesn't mean, however, that the family won't be able to find ways to deal with it. Sometimes parents worry about showing any negative emotion in front of their children. They worry this will scare the children or that being negative will somehow affect their ability to cope with the illness. In the media, you see advice about developing a "positive attitude." In general, feeling positive is a good way to approach life. However, when people try to deny the very real feelings of fear and sadness, which are a part of any new diagnosis, the effort often just doesn?t work. The energy it takes to stifle negative emotions can sometimes make coping much harder. Many people feel that a grieving process occurs with a new cancer diagnosis. It is normal to be sad and upset after being diagnosed with cancer. It feels like nothing will ever be the same. Patients grieve for the loss of certainty and predictability in their lives. When these feelings are faced, it is much easier to work on having a positive mindset about the challenges ahead. Obviously, no one wants to alarm his or her children by being hysterical. However, there is absolutely nothing wrong with shedding a few tears when a family has a crisis. Parents can tell their children that there will be times when they will need to cry about the situation, as that helps them to feel better. Parents can assure them that at some point they won?t need to cry, but that they are encouraged to express all of their feelings, angry or sad. Everyone deals with problems in a different way and it is important for parents to give themselves permission and time to figure out what is best for them and each family member.

If other family members have died from cancer in the past, children may assume history will repeat itself. It is important for parents to explain that there are more than 100 different kinds of cancer, there are several different kinds of treatments, and that all patients respond differently to treatment and have different outcomes for the future. Make sure children understand that each situation is different in its own way and that just because grandpa died 5 years ago doesn't mean the same thing will happen now. Everyone responds differently to treatment. Cancer treatment changes from year to year and better treatments are being developed all the time. No one can predict the future and people are approaching cancer treatment with new hope.

Thanks to Cancer Research help