Humor from Great Minds!

*"*As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can't remember the other two... *"* *Sir Norman Wisdom *"* One of the most difficult things in the world is to convince a woman that even a bargain costs money.*"* *Edgar Watson Howe *"*A true friend is one who overlooks your failures and tolerates your success!* "* *Doug Larson *"*A harmful truth is always better then...a useful lie! *"* *Eric Bolton **"* When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bike. Then I realized that The Lord doesn't work that way, so I stole one and asked him to forgive me.*" * *Erno Philips *"* I only go to work on days that don't end in a 'y'. *"* *Robert Paul *"* We spend the first twelve months of our children's liv! es teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up. *"* *Phyllis Diller * *"* Laughter is the closest distance between two people. *"* *Victor Borge *"* Start every day with a smile and get it over with. *"* *W.C. Fields * *"* Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.*"* *Will Rogers *"*Always get married early in the morning. That way, if it doesn't work out, you haven't wasted a whole day. *"* *Mickey Rooney *"* Women now have choices. They can be married, not married, have a job, not have a job, be married with children, unmarried with children.Men have the same choice we've always had: work or prison.* "* *Tim Allen *"*If you never want to see a man again, say, 'I love you, I want to marry you. I want to have children...' - they leave skid marks. *"* *Rita Rudner *"* I'm not afraid to die. I just don't want to be there when it happens. *"* *Woody Allen *"* Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn't.*"* *Erica Jong *"*Don't take life too seriously, you'll never get out of it alive.*"* *Elbert Hubbard *"*Always and never are two words you should always remember never to use.*"* *Wendell Johnson *"* In life, it's not who you know that's important, it's how your wife found out.*"* *Joey Adams *"* I've been in love with the same woman for forty-one years. If my wife finds out, she'll kill me.* "* *Henry Youngman *"*Have you noticed that all the people in favor of birth control are already born?*"* *Benny Hill* * Nothin is Impossible in this world. The word Impossible itself says I'm possible* Regards