U |< |\| o \/\/ U R LiViNG In 2006 wHEn ....

1. You accidentally enter your password on the microwave. 2. You haven't played solitaire with real cards in years. 3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of 3. 4. You e-mail the person who works at the desk next to you. 5. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends and family is that they don't have e-mail addresses. 6. You pull up in your own driveway and use your cell phone to see if anyone is home to help you carry in the groceries. 7. Every commercial on television has a web site at the bottom of the screen. 8. Leaving the house without your cell phone, which you didn't have the first 20 or 30 (or 60) years of your life, is now a cause for panic and you turn around to go get it. 10. You get up in the morning and go on line before getting your coffee. 11. You start tilting your head sideways to smile. : ) 12. You're reading this and nodding and laughing. 13. You are too busy to notice there was no #9 on this list. 15. You actually scrolled back up to check that there wasn’t #9 on this list.

AND NOW U R LAUGHING at yourself.

Quran - e - Hakeem

An old man lived on a farm in the mountains of eastern Kentucky with his young grandson. Each morning Grandpa was up early sitting at the kitchen table reading his Quran . His grandson wanted to be just like him and tried to imitate him in every way he could. One day the grandson asked, "Papa, I try to read the Quraan just like you but I don't understand it, and what I do understand I forget as soon as I close the book. What good does reading the Quran do?" The Grandfather quietly turned from putting coal in the stove and replied, "Take this coal basket down to the river & bring me back a basket of water." The boy did as he was told, but all the water leaked out before he got back to the house. The grandfather laughed & said, "You'll have to move a little faster next time," and sent him back to the river with the basket to try again. This time the boy ran faster, but again the basket was empty before he returned home. Out of breath, he told his grandfather that it was impossible to carry water in a basket, and he went to get a bucket instead. The old man said, "I don't want a bucket of water; I want a basket of water. You're just not trying hard enough," and he went out of the door to watch the boy try again. At this point, the boy knew it was impossible, but he wanted to show his grandfather that even if he ran as fast as he could, the water would leak out before he got back o the house. The boy again dipped the basket into river & ran hard, but when he reached his grandfather the basket was again empty. Out of breath, he said, "See Papa, it's useless!" "So you think it is useless?" The old man said, "Look at the basket." The boy looked at the basket and for the first time realized that the basket was different. It had been transformed from a dirty old coal basket and was now clean, inside and outside.

"Son! that's what happens when you read the Holy Quran. You might not understand or remember everything but when you read it, you will be changed, inside and outside. That's the work of Allah Almighty in our lives"

So do you recite Quran-e-hakeem daily? if not, atleast we can give our best ... we can try!

Housekeeping Husband

My friend's husband is always telling her that housekeeping would be a snap if only she would organize her time better. Recently he had a chance to put his theory into practice while his wife was away. When I popped in one evening to see how he was managing, he cried, "I made a cake, frosted it, washed the kitchen windows, cleaned all the cupboards, scrubbed the kitchen floor, walls and ceiling and even had a bath." I was about to concede that perhaps he was a better manager than his wife, when he added sheepishly,

"When I was making the chocolate frosting, I forgot to turn off the mixer before taking the beaters out of the bowl, so I had to do all the rest."

Sardarji and an American

A Sardarji and an American are seated next to each other on a flight from Los Angeles to New York. The American asks if he would like to play a fungame. The Sardarji, tired, just wants to take a nap, so he politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The American persists and explains that the game is easy and a lot of fun. He says, "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me five dollars, and vice versa." Again, he declines and tries to get some sleep. The American, now agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5,and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500." This catches the Sardarji's attention and, figuring there will be no end to this torment, agrees to the game. The American asks the first question: "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?" The Sardarji doesn't say a word, reaches into his wallet,pulls out a $5.00 bill, and hands it to the American. "Okay," says the American, "your turn". The Sardar asks, "What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four legs?" The American, puzzled, takes out his laptop computer & searches all his preferences........ no answer. He taps into the air phone with his modem and searches the Internet and the Library of Congress... no answer. Frustrated, he sends e-mails to all his friends and coworkers but to no avail. After an hour, he wakes the Sardarji and hands him $500. The Sardarji thanks him and turns back to get some more sleep. The American, who is more than a little miffed, stirs the Sardarji and asks, "Well, what's the answer?" Without a word, the Sardarji reaches into his purse,hands the american $5, and goes back to sleep! And you thought Sardars were dumb!! :-))

Tax Deduction!

A little boy wanted Rs.50 very badly and prayed for weeks, But nothing happened. Finally he decided to write God a letter requesting the Rs.50. When the postal authorities received the letter addressed to God ,PAKISTAN ,they decided to forward it to the Finance Minister of Pakistan as a joke. The Finance Minister was so amused, that he instructed his secretary to send the little boy Rs.20. The Finance Minister thought this would appear to be a lot of money to a little boy, and he did not want to spoil the kid. The little boy was delighted with Rs.20, and decided to write a thank you note to God, which read: "Dear God: Thank you very much for sending the money. However, I noticed that you sent it through the Finance Minister in Islamabad , and those donkeys deducted Rs.30 in taxes ..."

Joke of da Day !

Three Indians and three Pakistanis are traveling by train to a Cricket match at the World Cup in South Africa. At the station, the three Indians buy a ticket each and watch as the three Pakistanis buy just one ticket for them all. "How are the three of you going to travel on only one ticket?" asks one of the Indians. "Watch and learn," answers one of the Pakistanis. They all board the train. The Indians take their respective seats but all three Pakistani cram into a toilet and close the door behind them. Shortly after the train departs, the conductor comes around collecting tickets. He knocks on the toilet door and says, "Ticket please." The door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand. The conductor takes it and moves on. The Indians see this and agree it was quite a clever idea. So after the game, they decide to copy the Pakistani style on the return trip and save some money (being clever with money, and all that). When they get to the station, they buy one ticket for three on the return trip. To their astonishment, the Pakistanis don't buy ticket at all!! "How come are you going to travel without a ticket?" says one perplexed Indian. "Watch and learn," answers a Pakistani. When they board the train the three Indians cram into one toilet and soon after the three Pakistanis cram into another nearby toilet. The train departs. Shortly afterwards, one of the Pakistanis leaves the toilet and walks over to the toilet where the Indians are hiding. He knocks on the door and says, "Ticket please." The door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand. The Pakistani takes the ticket and goes in their toilet. Good'ay ^_^

*How to frustrate your Doctor!*

A man comes running to the doctor shouting and screaming in pain "Please doctor, you've got to help me. I've been stung by a bee." DOCTOR: "Don't worry; I'll put some cream on it." MAN: "You will never find that bee. It must be miles away by now." DOCTOR: "No, you don't understand! I'll put some cream on the place you were stung." MAN: "Oh! It happened in the garden where I was sitting under a tree."' DOCTOR (in anger): "No, no, you IDIOT! I mean on which part of your body did that bee sting." MAN (still screaming in pain): "On my finger! The bee stung me on my finger and it really hurts." DOCTOR (banging his fist, abusing and shouting): "Which one?" MAN (innocently): "How am I to know? All bees look the same to me." **** Hoping if it really stings ... you won't be doing all this ;-)

~~ ABC's of Acheivements ~~

Avoid negative sources, people, things and habits. Believe in yourself. Consider things from every angle. Don't give up and don't give in. Enjoy life today, yesterday is gone and tomorrow may never come. Family and Friends are hidden treasures. Seek them and enjoy their riches. Give more than you planned to give. Hang on to your dreams. Ignore those who try to discourage you. Just do it! Keep on trying, no matter how hard it seems. It will get better. Love yourself first and foremost. Make it happen. Never lie, cheat or steal. Always strike a fair deal. Open your eyes and see things as they really are. Practice makes perfect. Quitters never win and winners never quit. Read, study and learn about everything important in life. Stop Procrastination. Take control of your own destiny. Understand yourself in order to understand others. Visualize it. Want it more than anything. Xccelerate your efforts. You are unique, nothing can replace you. Zero in on your target, and go for it!!

~~ ABC's of Acheivements ~~

Avoid negative sources, people, things and habits. Believe in yourself. Consider things from every angle. Don't give up and don't give in. Enjoy life today, yesterday is gone and tomorrow may never come. Family and Friends are hidden treasures. Seek them and enjoy their riches. Give more than you planned to give. Hang on to your dreams. Ignore those who try to discourage you. Just do it! Keep on trying, no matter how hard it seems. It will get better. Love yourself first and foremost. Make it happen. Never lie, cheat or steal. Always strike a fair deal. Open your eyes and see things as they really are. Practice makes perfect. Quitters never win and winners never quit. Read, study and learn about everything important in life. Stop Procrastination. Take control of your own destiny. Understand yourself in order to understand others. Visualize it. Want it more than anything. Xccelerate your efforts. You are unique, nothing can replace you. Zero in on your target, and go for it!!

Things you learn from movies

- Once applied, lipstick will never rub off - even while scuba diving. - The ventilation system of any building is a perfect hiding place. No one will ever think of looking for you in there and you can travel to any other part of the building without any difficulty. - The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window of any building in Paris. - A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds. - When paying for a taxi, never look at your wallet as you take out a note - just grab one at random and hand it over. It will always be the exact fare. - If you lose a hand, it will cause the stump of your arm to grow by 15cm. - A single match will be sufficient to light up a room the size of a football stadium. - One man shooting at 20 men has a better chance of killing them all than 20 men firing at one. - It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts - your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessor. - When you turn out the light to go to bed, everything in your room will still be clearly visible, just slightly bluish. - Dogs always know who is bad and will naturally bark at him. - Rather than wasting bullets, megalomaniacs prefer to kill their arch-enemies using complicated machinery involving fuses, pulley systems, deadly gases, lasers and man eating sharks that will allow their captives at least 20 minutes to escape. - It is always possible to park directly outside the building you are visiting. - A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty. - If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone you bump into will know all the steps. Thanks to harris for these

Computer Error

I was having trouble with my computer. So I called Harold, the computer guy, to come over. Harold clicked a couple of buttons and solved the problem. He gave me a bill for a minimum service call. As he was walking away, I called after him, "So, what was wrong?" He replied, "It was an ID ten T error." I didn't want to appear stupid, but nonetheless inquired, "An ID ten T error? What's that .. in case I need to fix it again?" Harold grinned.... "Haven't you ever heard of an ID ten T error before?" "No," I replied. "Write it down," he said, "and I think you'll figure it out." So I wrote down. I D 1 0 T .... IDIOT ....

Male Bashing :)

Q: What is the difference between men and puppies? A: Puppies grow up. Q: Why do men always have a stupid look on their faces? A: Because they are... Q: What do men have in common with ceramic tiles? A: Fix them properly once and you can walk all over them forever. Q: If you drop a man and a brick out of a plane, which one would hit the ground first? A: Who cares?????..... Q: What did God say after he created man? A: I can do better than this! And then he created woman!!!. Q: What's the difference between an intelligent man & a UFO ? A: I don't know, I've never seen either. Q: What are two reasons why men don't mind their own business? A: i) no mind ii) no business Q: Why did Moses wander in the desert for 40 years? A:! Because even back then men wouldn't ask for directions . Q: What is the difference between men and pigs? A: Pigs don't turn into men when they drink... Q: What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying? A: The same urge that makes dogs chase vehicles they have no intention of driving. Q: What do you do with a man who thinks he's God's gift? A: Exchange him!! Q: Why do men like smart women? A: Opposites attract.

Angrezi – Na aati hey na jati hey

Some applications from Pakistanis who learnt English at government funded schools. A student's leave letter: "As I am suffering from my uncle's marriage I cannot attend the class.... " A candidate's application:"This has reference to your advertisement calling for a 'typist And an accountant - Male or Female'... As I am both for the past Several years and I can handle both; I am applying for the post." An employee applied for leave as follows:Since I have to go to my village to sell my land along with my wife. Please sanction me one-week leave. Another employee applied for half day leave as follows:"Since I've to go to the cremation ground at 10 o-clocks and I may not return, please grant me half day casual leave" A leave letter to the headmaster:"As I am studying in this school I am suffering from headache. I request you to leave me today" An incident of a leave letter:"I am suffering from fever, please declare one day holiday." Another leave letter written to the headmaster:As my headache is paining, please grant me leave for the day. A covering note:"I am enclosed herewith..." A great application for leave: As my mother-in-law has expired and I am responsible for it, Please grant me 10 days leave. Letter written for application of leave: "My wife is suffering from sickness and as I am her only husband At home I may be granted leave". Letter writing:"I am in well here and hope you are also in the same well." How do you write your letters ;)

Boss

A guy is selling three parrots. Another guy who wants to buy a parrot approaches him and asks, "How much are your parrots?" The salesman answers, "The first one is $1,000." "What does he know?" "He knows 10,000 words and 500 sentences and is able to solve mathematical expressions." "How about the second one?" "The second parrot costs $5,000." "What does he know?" "He knows 100,000 words and 10,000 sentences, is able to solve mathematical expressions, and create computer programs." "Then what is the price for the third one?, the buyer is wondering." "This one costs $20,000." "Really?!, wonders the exciting buyer. What does he know?" "This one knows absolutely nothing, but the two others always call him 'THEIR BOSS."

Matter of faith!

It's such a beautiful narration ... read on ... ! A Mosque goer wrote a letter to the editor of a newspaper and complained that it made no sense to go to Mosque. "I've gone for 30 years now," he wrote, "and in that time I have heard something like 3,000 Lectures. But for the life of me, I can't remember a single one of them. So, I think I'm wasting my time and the Imams are wasting theirs by giving Lectures at all." This started a real controversy in the "Letters to the Editor" column, much to the delight of the editor. It went on for weeks until someone wrote this clincher. "I've been married for 30 years now.In that time my wife has cooked some 32,000 meals. But for the life of me, I cannot recall the entire menu for a single one of those meals. But I do know this: They all nourished me and gave me the strength I needed to do my work. If my wife had not given me these meals, I would be physically dead today. Likewise, if I had not gone to Mosque for nourishment, I would be spiritually dead today!" When you are DOWN to nothing.... Allah is UP to something! Faith sees the invisible, believes the incredible and receives the impossible! Thank Allah for our physical AND our spiritual nourishment!